Dean: Owner's Guide and Manual
by the shadow proves the sunshine
Summary: Congratulations on your new DEAN unit! This manual includes everything you need to know about owning a DEAN unit, including proper care, risks associated with owning a DEAN unit, and popular uses for DEAN units.


**Dean: Owner's Guide and Manual**

**Summary: **Congratulations on your new DEAN unit. This manual includes everything you need to know about owning a DEAN unit.

**Author's Note: **I didn't think I would write another Owner's Guide after writing Castiel's, but I have a paper due Monday, so of course I decided I should write one for every member of Team Free Will, and upload two stories to the site within 24 hours! Once again, I don't own Supernatural or it's characters. The "Owner's Guide" idea has been done by several authors before me and was originally started in the LOTR fandom by Theresa Green, and I don't claim to own that either. This work is strictly for entertainment and amusement.

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Dean: Owner's Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a DEAN! In order to obtain top performance from your Hunter, please follow the guide below.

Your DEAN should arrive fully assembled.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS:

Name: DEAN WINCHESTER (also known as Michael's Vessel, Sam's older brother, Squirrel, etc. )

Family: Son of MARY and JOHN WINCHESTER, brother to SAM WINCHESTER, half-brother to ADAM MILLIGAN. Adopted son of BOBBY SINGER.

Species: Human, of the HUNTER variety

Manufacturer: Supernatural, INC.

Date of Manufacture: January 24th, 1979

Age: Early '30s—Exact age hard to calculate due to death and resurrections

Appearance: Slightly taller than average at 6'2. Of Medium weight and build, with dark brown hair and green eyes

ACCESSORIES:

1 LEATHER JACKET

1 67' CHEVY IMPALA (complete with weapons in the trunk)

1 CLASSIC ROCK COLLECTION

1 VIAL OF HOLY WATER

1 DEMON-KILLING BLADE

1 AMULET

3 FAKE IDS (One FBI, one Health Department, one general state issued ID)

1 HOMEMADE EMF

ASSEMBLY:

Your DEAN unit will be shipped fully assembled. To activate, lay DEAN face-up on the floor. He will self-activate within 24 hours. **Note:** As DEAN units have had bad experiences with coming to life, we recommend that wherever you choose to place your DEAN unit, make sure the area is fairly large and open, and does not in any way resemble a coffin.

Upon activation, DEAN will want to make sure you are not possessed, a shape-shifter, or a leviathan. He will ask you to pour holy water and borax on your arm, as well as make a small cut with a silver knife. The only way your DEAN unit will trust you is if you follow this test. DEAN will then do the same test on himself.

OPERATING PROCEDURE:

Your DEAN is user-friendly and has been designed to respond to voice controls. Please state your instructions clearly in English.

USES:

Your DEAN unit is efficient and is useful in many situations. While DEAN's functions are not limited to these, we have found that many people enjoy these special DEAN functions:

HUNTER

Your DEAN unit has been a supernatural hunter since he was a child, and is one of the best in the field. DEAN has experience in killing ghosts, demons, angels, and pretty much every other supernatural creature. In case of a haunting, DEAN units will know exactly what to do and how to keep you safe.

MECHANIC

DEAN has a love for his car and as such, is an accomplished mechanic. He knows how to fix most problems in most engines, though is most proficient in classic cars such as his own '67 Chevy Impala.

DRIVER

If you hate driving, DEAN units will be more than happy to drive you, provided you take the Impala. Note: It is very important that you never try to change the music in the Impala, and that you do not attempt to drive unless DEAN gives you specific permission. The trust it takes to allow your DEAN unit to allow you to drive the Impala takes years to build, so we recommend being patient and showing DEAN that you are a more than capable driver.

STOPPING THE APOCALYPSE

DEAN has a knack for making sure minor catastrophes, such as the apocalypse, don't actually come to pass. If you fear the apocalypse may be imminent DEAN will be more than happy to investigate and try to prevent all apocalypse and apocalypse-related catastrophes. While DEAN may be able to do this alone, this works best when DEAN units are paired with a SAM, CASTIEL, and ideally BOBBY units.

COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS:

DEAN'S compatibility does not shift as much as other models, though there are small differences depending on the mode you have your DEAN model in. In general, he is incompatible with most angel models, but especially MICHAEL and LUCIFER models. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU LET YOUR DEAN MODEL NEAR A MICHEAL MODEL. He is incompatible with all DEMON models, though will work with the CROWLEY and MEG models when absolutely necessary.

DEAN units have three modes: "Normal", "Post-Hell", and "Post-Purgatory". In the "Post-Hell" mode, DEAN will be even less compatible with RUBY models, and will eventually cause death to any RUBY models present. In "Post-Purgatory" mode, DEAN will be in "Hunting" Mindset at all times, and will be compatible with BENNY models.

Under no circumstances should you let your DEAN near the following models, as the result will be death for one or more models: RUBY, AZAZEL, ALISTAIR, LUCIFER, ZACHARIAH, URIEL, MICHAEL (We really can't stress this one enough), and GORDON WALKER.

DEAN is always compatible with the following models: BOBBY, MARY WINCHESTER (though this one is sure to cause heartache, so we don't recommend it), SAM WINCHESTER, CASTIEL (Unless CASTIEL is in "Heaven Civil-War" mode) and GARTH (though DEAN may become slightly annoyed with GARTH models, he will tolerate and in time come to hold a grudging like for GARTH), ELLEN, and JO (though this one may also cause heartache).

PRECAUTIONS:

Do not expose your DEAN model to alcohol, lewd materials, the "Supernatural" series by Carver Edlund/Chuck Shirley, or airplanes. Under no circumstance should you place a SAM unit in danger around a DEAN unit if you wish to live.

CLEANING:

Your DEAN unit is well-programmed to have necessary hygiene skills. However, after hunting, DEAN may ignore basic hygiene and you may need to remind your DEAN unit that it is not socially acceptable to be covered in blood. Other than this, your DEAN unit is more than capable of taking care of himself.

The IMPALA accessory needs to be cleaned out approximately once a month, but your DEAN unit will be more than happy to help you. We recommend at this time also checking the oil and engine. If there is a problem, DEAN will be able to fix it.

CARE:

As a HUNTER, DEAN is used to be alone and is highly independent. As long as DEAN units are kept well-fed, have the opportunity for hunting, and can listen to classic rock, DEAN will be satisfied with his level of care. DEAN units also need frequent sleep, but may go without while working a hunting case. REMEMBER: It is the owner's responsibility to make sure DEAN sleeps!

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q: My DEAN unit keeps changing all the music in my house to classic rock! How do I get him to stop constantly playing Metallica?

A: Your DEAN unit is programmed to have an intense love for classic rock. There is nothing you can do to get him to stop playing it, so we suggest either banning music entirely from common areas of the house or embrace the constant rock as an endearing quirk of your DEAN unit.

Q: Can my DEAN unit accompany me on vacations?

A: DEAN units are used to traveling and enjoy road trips immensely. However, all DEAN units have a crippling fear of flying, and only do so under dire circumstances. If you are driving to your destination, we highly suggest taking your DEAN unit along. If not, we suggest leaving DEAN behind, as boarding airplanes causes psychological trauma for DEAN units.

Q: Are DEAN units compatible with children?

A: DEAN models are very compatible with children, often being large children themselves half the time. However, you will need to tell DEAN units in advance that there are children around, since DEAN units have a propensity to engage in language that is not child-friendly. Your DEAN unit will also try to make any children around appreciate classic rock, so if you do not want your child listening to AC/DC, you should keep DEAN units away from children.

Q: I keep finding my DEAN unit asleep in the Impala. Is this normal and should I be worried?

A: DEAN is very protective of the Impala, and is quite use to sleeping in it. This is very normal and is no cause for alarm. Only be alarmed if DEAN starts driving the Impala in the middle of the night, as he is most likely hunting and may come to harm. The best way to learn this is to simply ask your DEAN unit, as he will tell the truth eventually.

Q: My DEAN unit keeps eating burgers, junk food, and pie, and I worry about his health.

A: While DEAN units are not known for being attracted to healthy food, hunting supernatural monsters is terrific exercise. Therefore, while we encourage using subtle ways to incorporate fruit and vegetables into your DEAN's diet, know that hunting helps keep DEANs in relatively moderate health.

Q: Every time I go to the store, DEAN makes me buy another bag of rock salt. I have 25 bags in my basement now! How do I make him stop?

A: Your DEAN unit is just making sure you are protected against supernatural forces. There's no way to stop him from getting more salt, so just embrace this as a natural extension of DEAN's protectiveness and be glad that you will always be guarded against spirits.

Q: Whenever I take my DEAN unit out, we keep getting kicked out of restaurants /public places because he has a weapon on him. No matter how hard I try to talk him out of it, he always has at least one gun or knife!

A: DEAN is always on guard against evil, so feels he must always have at least one weapon. While it's impossible to talk DEAN units out of being armed, there are steps you can take. Either tell him to pack knives only, which are more easily concealed, or help him get a concealed handgun license. (We recommend the latter).

Q: My DEAN keeps flirting with almost every woman he encounters. At first, it was just annoying, but now it's a bit creepy and I worry about him.

A: This is a natural progression for all DEAN units. The best way to occupy your DEAN with other things is to find a hunting case for him, since DEAN is the type to be "married to his work", and hunting will always take priority for him. Once given a case, DEAN's flirting progression should be halted for approximately a month. If this doesn't work, just remind him about the time he fathered an Amazon child. The memory alone will keep him from flirting for a good long while. **Note:** In Post-Purgatory mode, DEAN will be so focused on the job that you will not have this problem, but will have trouble concentrating on anything but the job.

Q: How do I know my DEAN unit is not possessed?

A: All DEAN units come manufactured with an anti-possession tattoo on the left side of their chest. We highly recommend getting a tattoo yourself, since having a WINCHESTER unit of any kind puts you in danger of being possessed.

Q: My DEAN model keeps telling me to "not forget the pie"! Do I have to keep making/buying pies?

A: DEAN is particularly fond of pies. He will become quite grumpy if you forget the pie more than twice in a row, so we suggest buying pies in bulk. If you are the cooking type, however, this is a great way to get your DEAN to consume fresh fruits by making pies with real fruit. We suggest apple and cherry.

WARNINGS and RISKS:

We are not responsible for any of the following effects that owning a DEAN unit may cause:

Spiritual distress, loss of soul, demonic possession, angelic possession, leviathan impersonation, possession of any other kind, loss of limbs, physical trauma of any kind, hospitalization, institutionalization, loss of sanity, crippling fear of the supernatural, desire to hunt supernatural monsters, psychological trauma, nightmares, death, or being resurrected from the dead.

RISK MANAGEMENT:

As a way to combat the risk mentioned above, we suggest you take the following precautions after ordering your DEAN unit:

1. Start carrying a small vial of holy water with you.

2. Start carrying a small bottle of salt with you.

3. Read about and prepare yourself for meetings with crossroads demons. REMEMBER: Just say NO to selling your soul!

4. Obtain an anti-possession tattoo immediately (If you are worried about obtaining this tattoo, you can carry around an anti-possession charm instead, but it isn't quite as effective. If you are nervous about getting inked, you may wait until your DEAN unit arrives. He will be happy to accompany you to any tattoo parlor). Anti-possession charms can be obtained free of charge by contacting the company directly.

5. Learn your Latin exorcism.

6. Learn how to make angel-banishing sigils. We suggest practicing with red paint. PLEASE do not use your own blood for practicing; human blood is for use in times of dire need ONLY.

7. Paint a demon trap under the rug by your front door.

At this point, we would like to remind all owners and potential owners that these threats and risk are rather minimal and there is no need to freak out; however, we want you to be prepared in case worst scenarios occur. Your DEAN unit will always know what to do in this situations, having lived through them many times before, but the better prepared you are, the less your DEAN unit will worry about keeping you safe under supernatural distress and the more he will be able to concentrate on killing anything threatening you.

LIFESPAN AND WARRANTY: 

While we cannot guarantee a specific lifespan for a DEAN unit, you will find with proper care and precautions, your DEAN unit should age to a normal human lifespan. However, DEAN units, as in the capacity as Supernatural Hunter, will be in danger more often than other units. We are not responsible for any fatalities or ill-effects that occur from a DEAN unit battling forces of heaven, hell, and other monsters.

For any inquiries, comments, or complaints, please email us at hunters or call 1-800-HUNTERUNITS.


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